One of the other things I didn’t put much thought into before I plunged into this really difficult and seemingly all-consuming “Dry Year” project is what impact my not drinking would have on my husband, Bruce. Of course, it had occurred to me that there would be an adjustment period, because so much of our lives seemed to involve dinner parties and other social engagements where wine and other alcoholic beverages were featured. Like they are for so many others, these occasions were a fixture of our marriage. Surely a change of this magnitude must be affecting my husband.
(My husband at the launch party for his latest book.)
Since Bruce is a writer, I decided to let him speak for himself, and so I emailed him a few questions. I asked him to write very brief answers and to try to be colloquial to fit the style of my blog. If you know Bruce, you’ll know why I gave him these instructions. 🙂 The resulting Q & A is below.
What was your first reaction when you heard about my New Year’s resolution?
I was bemused, mainly, because I figured the only reason you would want to do this is if you thought you drank too much, and I didn’t happen to think you did.
Do you think I will stick to it for the whole year? Why or why not?
I absolutely think you will stick to it for a year. I have no doubt in my mind. Why? Because I know you and know how focused and determined you are about whatever you might set out to do.
How has my not drinking affected your drinking, if at all?
Surprisingly, I’ve been drinking somewhat less than I normally do (which really wasn’t that much to begin with). It reminds me how social drinking is, or what a “team sport” it can be.
Has anything else about this process surprised you? If so, what?
In addition to what I responded to the previous question, what surprised me is how deeply you’ve gone into your blog and how many universal issues you’ve touched on with your research and your articles. Also, I’m surprised at some of the highly supportive response you’ve gotten from different family members and friends of ours. Not that they merely support you, which I would expect, but how engaged they’ve become in your commitment to this.
What are your thoughts about this blog?
I’m very impressed with the professionalism and commitment you’re making to it, and the response you’re getting from a wide assortment of people. I am also surprised at how open you are about your experiences. I would not be able to open myself up the way that you are.
Am I less fun as a non-drinker than I was as a drinker?
I would say it’s less fun to plan a dinner or to simply go out to hear music or some other place where drinking is usually involved. Knowing that you won’t be partaking lessens the mutual enjoyment, in my opinion.
What other changes have you noticed since I stopped drinking?
As I pointed out to you the other day, I’ve noticed that you’ve lost weight!
When I probed Bruce for more changes either in me or in general since I quit drinking, he said that he couldn’t think of anything. (I’m so happy he didn’t mention that little meltdown about our Netflix account password that I revealed in my post about my withdrawal symptoms.)
So there you have it. The main impact on Bruce is that he is also drinking less and that it’s less fun to go out and plan dinners. I guess I’ll have to dream up other ways to make it a little more exciting around here.
6 thoughts on “My Husband’s Take”
I too know you will do this for the whole year. I think you’re like Donna in some ways. I have never met a more focused, disciplined person.
Continuing to enjoy the blog. I’d see the biggest upside to this whole thing is that Bruce has a designated driver for the next year.
That is, indeed, part of the benefits for Bruce. I want to make sure that we take better advantage of the local music scene, now that we don’t have to fret about the drive home.
Darren, you’re so right! That little bennie slipped my mind when I was responding to Sharon’s questions. Thanks for the reminder!
It is so nice that Bruce is being so supportive. I find it intensely interesting that my husband, who says he supports my goals, will sabotage me if I have been successful for a few days in a row. Although he normally drinks beer/whiskey, a bottle of wine, opened, will appear on the kitchen counter on a Friday night or Saturday or Sunday afternoon. He will take a token glass, and then leave it. More often than not, I will take the bait. It will be interesting to see how he reacts when I do not — which I plan to try this weekend!
Thanks so much for your comments and for following my blog! There were many times when I was dieting in the past when I felt Bruce was trying to sabotage me, by making great food and offering me wine, etc. In retrospect, Bruce was being the same as he always had been and I was the one who didn’t have the resolve to stick to my guns. Now, Bruce is indeed very supportive. And, even more importantly, I have the resolve to carry this through.